Peaceful

"Anything good?" Chris msgd me on the phone. 

After dropping the girls at school, I headed to John Chestnut Park for my time in nature. Today, I carried my good camera in hand. 

"Not yet. Just peaceful."

Peaceful. Recharging time. How many times a day can we say those beautiful words? And how comforting are they to say? The older I get, the more moments of peace make me happy, make me appreciative, make me whole. Whether it is peace within myself, our family or the world. 

This place brings me peace. It did 20 years ago, and it does today. While I wouldn't change the path our lives have taken for a minute, we love where we go and what we do, it is a fact that it is difficult to come to truly KNOW a place. Usually with Chris's work, just when we think we know a place- the backroads, the customs, the neighbors, where to buy bread, how to get gas, all those little things that take time- that's when we leave again. We generally enjoy the entire tour, but really enjoy that last year or 9 months, feeling fully comfortable. This area of Florida feels known to me... and I love that feeling. I'll never know a place like Illinois...having spent +/- 30 years there. But all these other "homes" share our hearts and flood our minds with memories. 

The diversity of life here is so different from where we grew up. I won't say it's better, but it's so different and fun to learn and digest. I'd have to wake my 10 year old tomboy self from the dream that our life has become and the feasts of views before our eyes daily. She would be wowed to see manatees, dolphins, alligators, ibis and more outside our door. Forever thankful and yearning for more. 

Moments of missing

While out for a bite tonight, Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" came on the radio of the restaurant. My throat felt tight in minutes and the tears came moments later. Ceiba was finishing her dinner, while Avocet, already finished, colored happily beside me. I continued conversation, but the tears were unstoppable, slowly rolling down each cheek, no rush in them and no flood, just an unwavering faucet.

Ceiba carried on conversation; I could see she noticed, but she didn't burst out, "Are you crying?", which if you know her, is unusual. I kept talking... and crying... no change in mood or character and not missing a beat. Maybe I smiled too much. Eventually, she said, "Why are you sad?".

"Oh honey, I'm okay. This song just makes me miss my sister is all."

"Aunt Debbie." It was more of a statement than a question. She knew.

I nodded, Avocet now lying her head gently in my lap, tired from school, but a sentimental soul.
"I just really wish you could have met her."

In a few minutes, they were both quietly crying. There was never excitement, just their little hearts watching their Mama be emotional and vunerable.

I generally try to be strong. I know how empowering it was to watch my strong mother when I was a girl. And while they are familiar with me getting teary over a sad movie and things like that, I don't think they know what to make of me just crying in the middle of the day. I was conscious to keep composed and to keep smiling. To comfort them and let them know it was just the thought of a song and then watching the two of them that brought on a moment. To know that everything was just fine.

They talked on the way home about her. They asked questions, and I gave answers and expanded into stories. While one asked what day she died, and I knew, but said we could remember her birthday instead.

"Did she look like you?"

"Yes, very much. She was just like me, but sweeter and with not as big of a mouth as Mama."

"She had a small mouth?"

"Well, that just means she spoke softer and was not as loud. It's just an expression."

Gosh, just to dream of how much they would have loved loved loved her.
Time heals all wounds, they say. If I live to 200, I guess maybe it might.

Pirates, Mermaids and Summer Birthday Girls

(to post June 2014)
So we always say we will pay to go somewhere (not home) for the girls' birthdays... let someone else cook and have the mess... In the end, we must enjoy the chaos and always LOVE having friends at home to celebrate with us. With our fun house in Malta, we thought we should take advantage of their summer birthdays and the pool while we live here. Capt Jack Sparrow, his beautiful pirate wife Cat and mermaid friend "Coral" stole the show and made 2 little pirate princesses VERY happy for their fun day!

We met Capt. Jack Sparrow in the streets of Valletta performing. His personality is unbelievable! He kept the kids captivated ALL afternoon, while Chris tended to guests/issues, and I catered in the kitchen. Not sure why we take on this tasks sometimes, especially the size of this guest list vs the size of our home. But it was an UNFORGETTABLE birthday this year! Doubt there are many years where we have the chance for the house layout or a true pirate on an island to do it again!!